Industries

I've been preoccupied with reading headlines throughout the day, just to get a better feel for what the situation is like in Japan. And I'm not the only one. Every day we're waking up, just hoping for better news… a glimmer of hope that the nuclear situation won't deteriorate, a plight that would really add insult to injury on a people that has been handling this catastrophic devastation with a collective civility and perseverance.

Meanwhile, work has been humming along with what my industry does best - exploiting macro and micro mispricing to make people money. Many of the publications and correspondences coming through preface with some sort of 'heart-felt' condolence (talk about sending condolences to the clearly well, office drones … the wrong people?) Yet they all cut to the chase, beating on types of industries that will actually benefit from catastrophe - reconstruction, reconstruction, reconstruction.

As with Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Chernobyl, Katrina, and even San Francisco, communities are resilient, and cities, entire nations will eventually recover - at the cost of individual, generational, suffering and grief.

It's depressing to hear that a Singaporean national put her country to shame by contributing SGD $1,000,000 to the relief efforts, TWICE of what her country gave. I hope that number changes, but it's so sad that a country with one of the fastest growing economies could help so little.

I wanted to encourage you to keep your eyes peeled for ways that we can all help. With a plethora of non-profit organizations and individuals fund-raising for disaster relief, there seems to be a little ambivalence to where we put our money (and I've yet to do any sort of bonafide research on this). And as with all disasters, there are people out there eager to monopolize on good will. There must be non-monetary ways of helping. I bet that if we all put our minds together, we could come up with a lot more than cutting Red Cross a check to relieve our consciences (not that that isn’t a good idea).

Getting over yourself

I'm always going to remember that 14 year old who ran the JFK 50 mi. She was featured in a video by runner's world. She finished the JFK 50 ultra marathon, and the one word of advice that she had for people was that they just had to 'get over themselves'. Such brilliant advice. When you start focusing on what you need to do in life, what you need to do for others, all of a sudden senses of entitlement and injustice (for yourself) melt away.

When you ask

When you ask to know someone's character, you'd better be sincere about it.

Air transit profiling

Though short, the last flight from LAX to SFO was painful. Someone in the vicinity kept passing gas. I found myself profiling the people around me, deciding on who was most likely contaminating my breathing space.

The specifics aren't pc.

Anyway, it was really bad, and the stench pretty much permeated the entire section. I'm sure others were taking their own mental notes. I kind of felt like I was in elementary school again when pointing the finger at the fart-er was mental game theory: frown in disapproval to deny?

And just when I'd decided the tiny put-together lady next to me couldn't have been it, she pulled out a nail clipper and started clipping her nails on the plane. Mon Dieu.

You have it in you.

I usually get up at 4:45 AM every weekday and breakfast, shower, commute to get into the office by 7. I guess to some that's ridiculous, but I've gotten to the point where it's become standard. It's all I know. The perks are that I can schedule errands and appointments during regular business hours and not need to take time off. But I had a conversation with my friend (who, unfortunately, struggles more with this work schedule than I do), about how ridiculous our work hours are. We're both in the finance industry and have to be in the office to follow Wall Street hours.... It's neither physically healthy nor is it mentally healthy. Thank God they give us a horde of sick days. It's mostly a 'use it or lose it' policy, and so now I've grown more mature and have begun to prioritize health more than the industry. Mental health days, physical health days, c'est la meme chose. They're all health days.

Anyway, my boss text messaged me out of concern about overworking and the likes, but that's really not the case. I used to stress out so much at my old job that my neck/shoulders were near paralyzed in pain. Now I just float around and go about business with my personal life / well being as a priority.

Interesting that my boss would think I'm hardworking. I actually see myself as kind of a slacker. But then I wondered what kind of extreme I could push myself to before I crashed. My tolerance is probably pretty low...

Is it too late?

Is it too late to start a junk email address?

My inbox has gotten overwhelming.

Au Bureau

I went without data network connection for the first part of today, until after talking with other people, I realized it was probably a personal issue and not a network glitch. I called the AT&T help desk, and a guy over the phone was nice enough to walk me through the resetting. The only thing was, I had already looked up multiple forums on how to fix the issue, so I was told to do a lot of troubleshooting that I'd already done. We fast forwarded through everything I'd read and done, and finally he was able to do something else on his end that fixed the problem. Curious how I could fix the problem on my own the next time, I asked. He muttered for a bit and basically said I'd need them again if I experienced the same thing again.

There's very little outlet for [intellectual (technological? functional?)] curiosity in life these days. My brain is atrophying.

And apparently today was my third year anniversary at work. There's very little room for rearranging my cube, which would have been symbolic. I remember spending weekends rearranging my room as a kid. Every new arrangement, although less efficient than the prior, gave me great satisfaction. I liked the newness, the new functionality of each new space. Now, every major item at my desk is plugged, drilled, or super-glued in. Maybe I'll go switch out my stapler in the supply room to commemorate this day.

Bargaining with God

I just saw a preview for The Adjustment Bureau (Matt Damon / Emily Blunt). I think it's supposed to be one of those predestination vs. free will kind of movies. The concept is nothing new, but almost anything with Matt Damon in it automatically becomes 100 x cooler. I'm a sucker for those butterfly effect movies.

I wonder if you can bargain with God. Probably not, but the thought is sometimes entertaining.

183 miles

Purge

I just recently got out of a serious relationship, and only after I was out of it, I realized how submerged I had been. Then I had my first gasp of air. And it was pretty damn good. It’s not that I didn’t make time to see friends or family, but my mind just wasn’t there: I heard but didn’t listen, saw but didn’t perceive. So coming out of it, I’ve started to thoughtfully set aside energy to redevelop and refine my relationships with friends and family. [From my experience] With friends and family, there is a much larger boundary of respect. In fact, there seems to be much of many good things: patience, consideration, empathy.

And, with those realizations, my cathartic journey began.

I had dinner with an old friend last night, and it felt like we had to cram years worth of reminiscing and gossip into a mere few hours. The conversation rolled on and on. Gossip in itself is not a good thing, but the circumstances and issues that it brings up are often relevant and, in my opinion, worth digesting.

A year without new things

Lunar New Year is rolling around the corner again. When I was a kid, we used to get new clothes for Lunar New Year; new clothes for a new year. But getting new things is pretty standard now. I was assessing my clothes rack the other day and realized that almost everything I own was purchased within the last two or three years. It would be a tremendous challenge to reign all that consumerism and go a year without buying anything new. It'll be good for the environment, too. I have only a pair of feet, but about 20 pairs of shoes. Which means, on any given day, 19 are just for show (to an empty room).

Fashion has always been a difficult thing for me to tackle. My best friend is fashion blogger and everything just seems to look good on her. Whenever I try pulling off outfits like hers, I end up feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, too frou-ed out... gaudy, even. I usually weather an emotional cycle of blissful creativity, swelling self-consciousness, then explosive frustration. I then wind up taking everything off and pairing something black with denim. Black with slacks. Black with tights. Just... black. Goes with everything.

Note to self: Stop cutting your bangs. You look like a kid. We've gone over this every other year since 1997.